Make Your Nemesis STFU With Magnets

Magnets finally have a use beyond making fun of the Insane Clown Posse for being idiots. Now, with advanced research and careful application, we can actually show ICP just how magnets work and why they exist: to shut people up but good.

Sadly, a people silencer is still years away from the market, but the basic research to make that annoying guy the next cubicle over stop oversharing for good is all there.

It’s called “transcranial magnetic stimulation”, or TMS for short, and it’s fairly simple: apply an electromagnet to the right place on the skull and blast it with a powerful magnetic field. This will either enhance or suppress the activity of the neurons just underneath it, which in this case means your target can sing…but not talk.

Why is this particular brand of mad science being pioneered? To study brain damage, migraines, and other neurological problems. TMS offers a fairly cheap and noninvasive way to test different parts of the brain for different problems: instead of cutting open your skull, they just slap a disc onto your noggin.

TMS promises to open up whole new vistas of neurological research. But, really, guys, miniaturize it and sell it as the STFU Gun; you’ll have all the money you need.