10 Weird Wii Accessories That You’d Be Lucky To Use OnceBy Chris Weiss
With Microsoft Kinect set to launch next week, and Sony Move already out there, the motion-based gaming wars are officially underway. After four years, Microsoft and Sony can finally compete on the same playing field as Nintendo. But Nintendo still has a couple of legs up in one aspect of motion-based gaming: strange, outlandish accessories designed to make gaming more true to form. Here are some of the oddest Wii peripherals and designs that we’ve seen over the years.
Wii has gained much attention for the healthier, exercise-oriented angle that it’s brought to gaming. So why not offer a virtual version of an exercise device originally designed to emulate an actual sport. That’s what this Wii rower from CTA Digital is designed to do. It’s good for such games as Wii Sports Resort and Wii Fit Plus.
The idea of a bowling ball for Wii bowling games isn’t really that strange, it’s just that the ball attempts to be so realistic, what with its big, unwieldy size, that it seems like a rather significant hazard for the living room. Imagine accidentally hurling this thing into the television. Or, maybe following through a little too much and having it sail into the air and come down on your head. Couldn’t they at least have made this the size those plastic kiddie bowling balls designed for home bowling? At least it has a wrist strap. Also from CTA Digital.
Sorry CTA, but you just make some weird friggin’ gaming gear. You would think that you could just use a regular Wii gun for crossbow gaming function. It may not be perfectly anatomically correct, but you hold it the same, so why not just use that. I suppose because you’re a giant, medieval nerd and need to have your crossbow as authentic as possible. And CTA delivers with not only a crossbow shape, but also a device designed to look like a wooden weapon from the 1400s.
The idea of a surgical Swiss Army knife is a little frightening. Sure, it’s only for virtual surgery, but look at that collection of tweezers, scalpel, syringe and thermometer and tell me you don’t get at least a tad queasy. Unlike our others this comes from a new manufact…nope, it’s still CTA. As you could imagine by the lack of quality surgery titles out there, this is one of the most narrowly focused Wii tools on the list, designed for Trauma Center series.
If I could think of one thing that people should never do in the living room, it would be cast a fishing rod. Granted there’s no hook, line or sinker on this bad boy, but fishing in your living room still seems ill-advised. CTA finally gets a break; this one’s from Hyperkin. The Wii Fishing Pole, which works with such games as Rapala Tournament Fishing, Hooked and Fishing Master, even includes a reel for that extra realism. Which begs another question: who the hell wants to recreate the boring, frustrating sport of fishing in the virtual world anyway?
Finally, a solution for those maraca games that you’re always playing. Possibly the most useless item on this list are the Wii Maracas. You might as well just duct-tape a rattle to your Wii-mote if this is what you’re looking for. They’re made by DreamGear and there’s really not a whole lot more to say.
That was a fun little trip, but we’re back to CTA. Actually CTA makes both a fishing rod and maracas, but we didn’t want them to be the only company on the list, so we covered different brands for those. One of CTA’s latest forays into Wiidom, the push-up bar is pretty much just what it sounds like. Here’s why it’s so useless: push-ups are pretty much sucky work, why do you want to do a video game version. The bar is designed to work in conjunction with the Wii Balance Board and works with games like Wii Fit and Jillian Fitness Ultimatum 2010.
Cooking Mama Kit
You know what hasn’t been fun since you were four? Cooking fake food. Cooking is one of those chores that’s hard to get away from, so why would anyone want to do a no-reward fake version with a big kitchen multi-tool. Frankly, we’re thinking they wouldn’t, which is why this piece is so useless. Designed by…yep, yep CTA Digital, the Cooking Mama Kit comes with kitchen classics like frying pan, spatula and fork. On the plus side, you have an extra set for when you don’t feel like washing dishes.
If you’re enough of a geek to need a Wii crossbow, then eventually you’re going to need a Wii battle sword. And a shield. Designed for Legend of Zelda, Red Steel and others, this dorky combo from Hyperkind includes a sword, knife and a shield to prepare you for virtual dragon-slaying. If you ever saw George Michael Bluth’s Star Wars reenactment on Arrested Devlopment, you already know what a tool you’re going to look like swinging this sword around your entertainment center.
3-in-1 Sports Pack
There are a lot of off-the-wall sports packs for Wii, but we vote for this one from CTA because it’s got what we think is the oddest selection of gear. A virtual frisbee? Tiny canoe paddle? And full-size virtual bow? Check, check and checkity check check. And why is the bow life size but the canoe paddle looks like a burger flipper? Whether you want to shoot your screen with a Wii arrow or throw a frisbee at it, the 3-in-1 makes Wii Sports Resort your bitch.